Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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