i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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