It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
