I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
