This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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