when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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