Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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