I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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