Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
