end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
