he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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