yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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