I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
