Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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