My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
