Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
