just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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