please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
