Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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