I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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