I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
