I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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