I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
