There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You have to summon your inner elephant
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
