Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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