look no pants
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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