you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
