I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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