Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
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Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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