Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
