the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
