the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And then my night got REAL pukey
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
