theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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