why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Terrible idea I love it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
