i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
