she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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