So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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