I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
