I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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