I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
