I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
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You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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