you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize