I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
