maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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