I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
