Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
