You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
