I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
