I seem to have left my pride at pride
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
