the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
