So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
