I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
