so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
