Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
