Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
