Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
