Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
