so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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