It's a beautiful day for a hangover
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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