It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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