Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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