I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
