i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
