There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
